playing victim is a losing game

We all have times when we feel sorry for ourselves.  It's perfectly normal for human beings to go through moments like that.  But, what about when we find ourselves feeling sorry for ourselves several times a day or every day?  It's not necessarily depression, but what is it?

Quite simply: it's a habit.

A habit can be anything.  Habits come from practicing the same behavior over and over again.  We can form habits of helping people all the time (even to our own detriment), we can form habits of smiling at strangers all the time (even when they frown back at us...which is quite amusing, really), we can form habits of thinking the best or the worst of people.  

Habits are not a big deal.  Anything can become a habit.  Part of living mindfully, though, is being conscientious about the habits we have and making sure they serve us well, moving us toward the Life we say we want to have. 

It is easy to become victim-minded in societies like ours.  Part of modern living seems to be buying into the illusion that something is wrong with everything.  Something is wrong with us, something is wrong with our childhoods, something is wrong with the planet, something is wrong with history, something is wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.  

And, when something is wrong, someone must be to blame.

This is a prevailing illusion in the world right now.  And, in order for illusions to work, we all must be delusional to some capacity. 

Thinking we are victims in Life is delusional.  It is delusional because the thought that we are victims convinces us that Life is not fair (and it is), that Life is not good (and it is), that we have been wronged more often than we have been treated well (and we haven't).  

To consistently practice the habit of victim-status is to harm ourselves several times a day, every day, because consistently sitting with the thought that we are victims keeps us from seeing the beauty and goodness of Life that is all around us.  And, we are surrounded by beauty and goodness.  No matter how dire our situations or environments, we are surrounded by beauty and goodness.  Sometimes, though, we have to look a bit harder to see it and being good at that is a habit, as well. 

As people, we tend to use the word "habit" to describe anything that's not particularly favorable and "skill" to describe things that are habits, but more ideal.  This word-changing is part of the way we consistently influence our minds to believe that we are subject to negative forces outside ourselves/victims.  "Positive thinking is a skill and anyone can learn it!"  Well, if a "skill" is something that we practice until we get good at it, then "skill" is a synonym for "habit".  And, I like to look at ideas from both sides: the more helpful side and the less helpful side.  Everything has its opposite.  Why not simply embrace the paradox that a word presents?  This is much simpler than choosing an entirely new word to discuss the same idea. 

And, that's why I call all sorts of things habits.  Because they are.  "Habit" is not an inherently negative word with inherently negative connotations.  It is simply a word.  A word that we use to signify that we have practiced something so often that it has become second-nature to us. 

Second-nature is never to be confused with first-nature.

It is none of our first-natures to think of ourselves as victims.  When we do so, that is symbolic of learned, practiced behavior.  And, anything that can be learned can be unlearned.  If practice gets us in, practice will get us out.

Besides...it's not attractive to feel sorry for ourselves constantly.  We may be fortunate enough to have people who care about us enough to listen to us whine about our lives, but that doesn't make it an attractive feature.  And, part of the beauty of us is that we are attractive.  

(In case you didn't realize it, we are attractive.)

And, I don't simply mean "attractive" as in "pleasing to the eye" (although that is definitely part of it).  I mean "attractive" as in "pulling energy toward us".  It is our human nature to attract.  It is human nature to attract energy, people, good fortune, tranquility.  Our bodies literally pull things toward us.  We are living magnets. 

Constantly living in victim mode is like turning the "wrong" end of our naturally magnetic selves out to the world.  It's like saying, "Don't come near me."  And, that is the entire opposite of what Life is about.  The desire and need to rebuke the presence of others typically arises from a perception of danger to ourselves.  When we live thinking we are victims in this Life, we are constantly practicing isolation of Spirit, which often translates to isolation of body.  And, since our bodies operate optimally in conjunction with other bodies, this isolation goes against our very natures and results in a perpetual cycle of misery.

This is why being victim-minded is harmful.  It is harmful because it induces a practice of self-perpetuated misery and we are meant to live joyfully.

The purpose of Life is joy.  That is why we have attractive bodies, that is why we are capable of thinking, that is why we are capable of sensing.  We are meant to delight in everything around us.  And, when we find we cannot delight in everything around us, we have legs to move us to new places where we can delight in everything, again.* 

Playing victim only serves to pollute our personal environments, making it difficult to escape to a joyous place.  We practice convincing ourselves that joy is elusive by practicing seeing only the illusion of harm, blame, and hurt.  

But, like all habits, we can unlearn the victim mentality.  We can become more mindful of it within us and we can practice thinking on the beauty and joy in Life, instead.  

They say practice makes perfect.  And, in this case, practice of better seeing makes clear for us how perfect Life truly is. 

Namasté

*And, if we don't have legs, we have arms and/or other means of moving.

we call the manifestation of love a gift

Gifts are an important part of human life.  

We are all born with gifts.  Specialties, skills, talents that Life hands us to enjoy as we wish.  We give gifts to one another.  As a matter-of-fact, the word "gift" comes from "give".  They are cognates. 

Gift.

Give.

A gift is something that is given, something that needn't be earned.  It is a symbol of good-will and Love.  In Life, it is a symbol of Harmony.

When I give a gift to someone from a place of Love, that is a sign of being in harmony with the loving nature of that person and myself.  That's why it feels so good to give and receive gifts and why some of us enjoy it way more than others. 

Gifts are a physical manifestation of the virtue Harmony.  

"Virtue" can be defined as moral excellence or goodness.  I consider Harmony a virtue because to be harmonious is to be in balance, to fit well vibrationally, energetically.  This is a wonderful way to be and something worth striving for.

When someone gives us something (gifts us), it can be viewed as a sign that we are in alignment with our Life's purpose and the very essence of Life.  A gift is a sign that All Is Well.  A reminder of the beauty in Life.

Beyond that, gifts are worth looking for.  We owe it to ourselves to look at coincidences, flukes, and miracles as gifts.  Because they are.  When someone gives us something we don't deserve, we must realize that simply thinking like that is a way of shunning gifts, of shunning the abundance that is our birth right.  

It is wonderful to earn and deserve things.  But, gifts are gifts because we don't need to earn or deserve them.  Gifts are gifts because they come to us on a wave of pure Love and being loved is a right of our humanity, not something we must work and strive for. 

Gifts, no matter where they come from, remind us that Life is beautiful, abundant, and sustaining.  Gifts remind us to celebrate everything, no matter how mundane and trivial we may think things are.  

Gifts are manifestations of Love, no matter where they come from.  

And, you are always deserving of Love.

abundance is not a paint-by-numbers activity

I believe the Universe is abundant.  I really do.

So, why don't I always act like I believe it?

Why haven't I managed to manifest millions of dollars, a new house, a new car, etc.?  What am I doing "wrong"?

Well...nothing. 

And, possibly...everything.

Let's start with my thinking.  Perhaps I want to manifest millions of dollars.  Or even just one million dollars.  But, what is a million? It's 1,000,000.  

What does that mean to the Universe?

Absolutely nothing.

See, numbers are a human creation.  They aren't a natural phenomenon.  Numbers are something we made up to represent other things.  We talk about them like they are real.  We talk about them like they matter.  But, they don't.  Not really.

Because numbers are just a way of limiting the Universe so that our human minds can understand it.  Or, so that we can tell ourselves we understand it.  They are simply tools.

So, we make up numbers to represent tangible things in this world, but the Universe is so much larger than numbers.  The Universe is larger than anything we can truly comprehend.  The numbers we make up limit the Universe so that we can manipulate it, so that we can digest it in small doses.  

And, that's why wanting millions of dollars doesn't translate into manifesting millions of dollars.  The Universe isn't a computer, manipulating 1s and 0s in order to give you something else to work with.  The Universe is alive.  It's a living, breathing entity.  Numbers help us make sense of the Universe, but they don't explain the Universe.  They are too limited to do that. 

So, when we think that we want a million dollars, we are telling the Universe we want two things that don't really exist: a million and dollars.  Human concepts.  Not Universal concepts. 

To manifest in the Universe, we must think like the Universe.  We must love, we must move, we must trust, and we must believe.  All pulse-related activities.  Not mental activities.  Not, I don't think, human concepts.

Recently, I heard the great Tony Robbins say, "The key to emotion is motion."  Or something like that.  His theory is that if you want to change your emotions, you must move your body.  Which is why he has people do hours of physical activity when they come to his seminars. 

The Universe is forever in motion.  People tend to see manifestations occur when they start moving, doing something.  Sometimes anything. 

The Universe is not afraid.  It has a black hole in there somewhere.  Is it shying away from it? No. All things are vital.  The Universe trusts and if we want to manifest more in our lives, we must trust, as well. Do you have a "black hole" in your life?  Well, it must be okay.  Otherwise, it wouldn't be there.  If you can move past being afraid of that black hole, you will see manifestations occur, doors open like magic, in your life.  

The Universe believes.  That is why it expands.  And, then, contracts.  It moves toward something at all times (its own outer limits, its own inner limits...finding no limits, except the ones it creates for itself when it decides to change direction).  The Universe is breathing.  In.  Out.  Out.  In.  You can do that, too.  Are you doing it?  Are you doing it often enough? With breath comes belief.  In one's self, in one's abilities, in one's substance. 

The Universe loves.  How do I know this?  Because I'm a mother and I know love.  I know that love supports, love encourages growth, love energizes.  The Universe does all that, too.  It does it for me, for you, for all of us.  And, it does it for the planet Earth and everything/one living on the planet Earth. 

Tony Robbins says that life is growth, progress.  If you don't move forward, you die.  This is so true!*  We see this in political systems, in families, in people, in cancer. 

Instead of speaking human language and wondering why you're having trouble manifesting your heart's desires, try speaking the Universe's language.  See what happens.  

I trust it will work much better for you.  I know it has for me.  

Namasté.

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*It's mostly true, anyway.

nature as natural

What is "natural"?

On Merriam-Webster.com, the first definition of "natural" is "based on an inherent sense of right and wrong".  That is interesting to me, but I will have to come back to that, because that's not what I intend to blog about right now.  I am more concerned with the second definition: "being in accordance with or determined by nature".  

But, what does "nature" mean?  Merriam-Webster says, "the inherent character or basic constitution of a person or thing".  

And, that brings me closer to my point for this entry.  

This morning, I learned about the brights. This is a group of folks who self-define as having a "naturalistic worldview" "free of supernatural and mystical elements", but in order to understand what they could be saying by that, I had to look up the definitions of "natural" and "nature" and make sure I wasn't misunderstanding anything.  In more common language, we would refer to a bright as a humanist or atheist.  

But, how "natural" is a worldview free of supernatural or mystical elements?  In my experience (and the experiences of many others throughout time and space), the "supernatural" and the mystical are inherent aspects of nature.  If we define "nature" as the essence of a person or thing, then what we would also define as "supernatural" is perfectly natural for Earth.  

What makes something "supernatural", anyway?  Disagreement.  Disbelief.  If I am a person who has been seeing ghosts since childhood, does that make me unnatural?  No.  It is my nature to see ghosts.

Therefore, "supernatural" is an inherently disrespectful term.  Part of the second definition Merriam-Webster gives for "supernatural" says "departing from what is usual or normal especially so as to appear to transcend the laws of nature".  But, if seeing ghosts and fae and giants is simply a normal aspect of living on planet Earth, then what is unnatural, not natural, or supernatural about that?  

Who gets to decide what the nature of life on Earth is?

Who gets to tell me that seeing apparitions is not "in accordance with or determined by the inherent character or basic constitution of" planet Earth?

No one, that's who.  And, while people are free to follow whatever philosophy they want in this life, it isn't very kind or humanistic of me to tell anyone that their experiences with ghosts, fae, angels, etc. are not natural or normal simply because I don't believe it is possible.  And that is exactly what humanists do. 

Now, back to that "right and wrong" business.  There is no clear definition of right and wrong in nature.  Right and wrong are moral judgments and what has moral judging got to do with nature?  Unless we consider that the nature of human beings is to judge others, it has nothing to do with it.  

But, it is our nature, isn't it?  We grow from infants to people who feel that what "they" do is wrong and what "we" do is right.  And, if we're lucky, we grow beyond that to people who understand that there is no "us" and "them".  

Which is also natural.

the view from here

Recently, a black 8th-grader wrote an essay comparing how America's educational system treats its black participants to slavery.  As a result, since this is America, she has been subjected to the attacks of adults, particularly the teachers and school administrators who take issue with her insights.  And, I had the pleasure of being informed that while the girl makes good points, she needn't have resorted to "sensationalism".  

That ticked me off.  It got under my skin.  And, I'll tell you why (although I'm sure if you regularly read my blog, you can already figure it out).  

Black Americans, on the whole, as a group, as a people, are still suffering the ramifications of slavery and a political and economic system that relies upon and exists because of oppression, slavery, and the objectification of human beings.  Black Americans, on the whole, as a group, as a people, are still enduring the exact same mindset that made slavery not only possible, but a prosperous venture.  And, Black Americans, on the whole, as a group, as a people, are still being told to "get over it". 

Because that's what calling that girl's essay "sensationalism" is.  It's a way of saying "get over it", it's a way of saying "things are not all that bad for you people".  It's tantamount to telling a woman in an abusive relationship that if her man is not beating her with his fists that things are not all that bad.  It's like telling a 45-year-old survivor of child molestation that she needs to stop giving all her power to something that happened to her over 30 years ago.  

That kind of thinking is dehumanizing, it's minimizing, it's insensitive, and worst of all: it perpetuates and allows for the continuation of the maltreatment of people. 

Lately, the ability of one human being to minimize the experience of another really, really pisses me off.  No one gets to say to another, "That didn't really happen to you."  or "It's not really that bad."  We're all guilty of it at one point or another, but that's not because we're correct, it's because we all have grown up in an environment whose very success depends upon minimizing the harm done to everyone and certain populations, in particular. 

No one has the right to tell a little black girl (or anyone else, really) that America's attitude toward black people is not like slavery, because no one has the right to belittle the very real emotional experience of another person, especially when that emotional experience is rooted in living in a society of blatant oppression, racism, classism, and murder.  A society that survives on the backs of murdered black people, incarcerated black people, homeless black people, poor black people, uneducated black people, undereducated black people, starving black people, self-hating black people, drugged black people, unhealthy/malnourished black people.  

American society not only survives on the backs of black people, but it insists that black people belong nowhere but on their backs.  

So, no.  It is not sensationalism to compare America's educating of black youth to slavery.  Not at all.  And, it takes a certain amount of privilege to be able to even think it is.  It takes a certain amount of luxury and personal comfort.  It takes a certain amount of internalized racism (and we're all capable of that, regardless of what "race" we claim to be members of).  

A huge part of the "American problem" is that it loves delusion.  And, when someone comes along to pull the wool from in front of America's eyes, there will always be folks who scrutinize, who say, "That's not reality."  

But, denying reality doesn't make reality unrealistic, see?  And, until Americans, as a people, stop trying to pretend that the plight of Black Americans has improved just because they can no longer be defined as legal slaves, this country will never be the wonderful, successful experiment so many of us long for it to become.  

leap day

This is a Leap Year!  If I had a boyfriend or crush, I would totally ask him to marry me today, but I don't, so I shan't.

Anyway, I don't feel much like blogging lately.  My hormones have kicked into high(er) gear and all I can think about is getting married.  Being married, rather.  Weddings never show up in my fantasies. 

That's something I've noticed about my thinking.  I tend to jump right to my desired result and overlook the steps to get there.  I find steps tedious.  However, I recognize that in order to get anywhere in the world, one must step. 

To help me with this, I practice mindfulness techniques.  While washing the floor, I think: I am washing the floor.  I wash the floor.  I am thinking about washing the floor.  Wait.  Am I doing this right?

Mindfulness techniques are mostly a means of being obsessive.  In my world, at least.  My world sometimes caters to obsession.  I live amongst the dragons called What If and Oh, Yeah.  Since I like dragons, this is normally not a problem. 

I have never much cared about Leap Year, but lately...lately things that never mattered to me in the past matter quite a bit.  I feel a sudden, weighty need to be part of tradition, to leave a legacy.  Or something.  And, so, I fantasize about what I should do for Independence Day and search for knit birthday hat patterns for next year.  I want to leave something behind.  I want to create a world in which I can pass items on to my children and grandchildren and they can be just as useful and loved as when I initially brought them into being.  

And, I want to have another baby.  (Except when I don't.)  And, I want a happy, successful marriage to a man whose sexiness compares to mine.  And, I want to cook fabulous, large dinners and have a home full of people overstimulating me in every way.  

I want the stress of cleaning the house in order to prepare for company coming over (and then the stress of cleaning the house after they leave).  I want to roll my eyes at my husband because he is grossed out by dirty diapers.  I want to walk down the street pushing a double stroller. 

So, maybe I'll go outside today and find a random guy (who has some eye appeal) and ask him to marry me.  It's Leap Day, after all.  

If I can't drastically alter my life today, what's the point?

karma-licious

I remember when I first came across the concept of karma.  The way it was explained didn't sit well with me.  I had to process it a lot and for many years.  Probably, part of that need for long processing was the fact that I had to evolve into an understanding and acceptance of energy recycling.  I had grown up with the Golden Rule and I had also grown up in a society and culture that behaved as if it wasn't true.  As a person who tended toward being literal, I had to come to grips with the concept of Universal Truth Displayed by Imperfect Beings. 

It took me a long, long time to accept that people are just people and I don't need to expect them to be on their best behaviors or non-hypocritical in this life.  And, an important part of learning to accept that was my act of disengaging from people who seemed to be most draining and finding people to be around who were doing their best to be the best versions of themselves possible.

The concept of karma is a living concept.  I don't view karma in a reward/punishment dynamic, as I think that is misunderstanding.  Karma is more than simply the law of cause-and-effect, more than the law of return.  Karma is how we verbally express infinity.

I don't think it's a coincidence that the infinity symbol is that of an 8 lying on its side. (I also don't think it's a coincidence that the 8 is the infinity symbol upright.) 

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Infinity, as an idea, can be difficult to grasp.  But, when we look at the symbol, we get a better understanding.  Infinity as a concept means that everything is united and everything follows after everything else, with seeming opposites eventually meeting for a single moment.  And, that moment, the single point, represents not only a coming together, but a manifestation of something different than the two "things" were before they met.

I love the explanation of how 1+1=3.  In fact, that is how it is.  When you put one thing with another thing, result is the two originals and the third thing of how they are together.  It's like the saying...There are 3 sides to every story: his, hers, and the truth.  That saying is often used as an insult to the people involved, but the truth is that in a story, we have our versions of how it went and then we have the story that's a bit more difficult for us to perceive: the story of how our separate stories intertwine. 

Karma is like that.  There is what we do, what happens to us because of what we do, and what happens in the larger world because of what we do.  That world part can be more difficult to perceive, as actions ripple out, affecting everyone because we are all united, and then coming back and combining with another action (a seemingly opposite action) to form a different spectacular moment, another single point.

When I think of karma like this, I find it all very exciting.  I no longer wish to restrict and limit my behaviors so much.  Life seems to open up before me. 

How can I fully embrace the beauty of all moments (and they all contain an element of beauty) if I am afraid of its opposite coming around?  This moment and its opposite are actually inseparable!  It is only my thinking that makes it seem possible to exclude anything's opposite.

In other words, I can work on being happy, but in working on happiness, I am inviting sadness into my world.  Because happiness and sadness exist as partners; I cannot separate them.  And, this is why I conclude that worrying about karma is a ridiculous endeavor, because no matter how "good" I am, "bad" exists.  No matter how "bad" the world seems to be, it is still "good". 

This is just the way it is. 

So I don't have to worry about biting my tongue when someone says something I think to be foul.  I can speak my mind.  Because I do not create the "bad" or negative in Life.  Everything has its opposite and there is always balance.  The infinity symbol is not lopsided.  The figure 8 is not supposed to be a 2-ball snowman, with the bottom bigger than the top.  Balance is an important aspect of the symbolism.

And, it is important to remind ourselves that we cannot get rid of negativity in the world by being positive all the time.  And, it is important to remind ourselves that we don't create negativity in the world when we can't find the energy to be positive.  It is important to remind ourselves that some moments need to be negative, because negativity serves an important purpose in this Life. Negativity is part of the positivity we love so much.  They are partners in this world and to shun one is to shun the other.  

Karma is about balance.  To stress one side, one behavior, one action to the point of aiming an exclusion of its opposite is to aim to throw off the balance of Life.  

And, that just creates bad karma.